Zaaria Patni on being a mum at 20 to a single mum now



Read an inspiring story of Zaaria Patni from Mumbai. Zaaria was married very early in life and had to deal with an abusive marriage and sooner than she realized she was a young mum too.

After going through an unpleasant legal battle where it got initiated with a notice of the ex-husband who wanted to have custody of her unborn child, began a long journey of going to the courts.

She had once said in an interview, “So 30 days after I had delivered and my stitches hadn’t healed – I went to the family court to fight for my son. My son has been to more courtrooms in the first 5 years of his life than most people ever would.”

Zaaria shares with Mums and stories, “I had a very normal childhood, as normal as it can be; parents who loved each other and us. We went for holidays in India and abroad. We went to one of India’s best all girl school. We had a great set of friends and family. There was nothing abnormal in my childhood. My dad is into business and has been a workaholic.

My mom use to design a lot back but gave it up on her own will. Now my sister and me have taken it to push it further and have created a brand name called ‘House of MISU’. I have a second sister also who came 16 years later. We lived in nuclear family but in the same building as my grandparents and other cousins. We lived a very sheltered life. Away from most of the evils of this worlds

I did get married at a very young age – a decision I should have never ever taken. I didn’t think back then it was a big deal. I thought I was an adult and that I could handle anything at that point of time, not realizing that marriage is not the kind we see in fairy tales. It’s the opposite.

Being a mum is indeed an important phase for any woman, but I didn’t face any difficulty in bonding; in fact I was bonded to my son before he was born.

Zaaria 2

I wasn’t going to give him up at any cost. The moment I felt the pains I remember clearly telling my mother, no matter what happens I am not going to give him. Not now not ever. I am not enduring this pain right now so tomorrow some man who doesn’t deserve to be called a father takes him away from me just because he has a big ego to feed.

I finally started working after 8 years, as Muhammad is a big boy now and he has a set school routine. I work till evenings with my father. I also take pictures for my sister’s blog. But that’s all for a few hours because post that it’s all motherly duties of homework projects timetable tests etc. Sometimes Muhammad comes with me at work.

At this point my son doesn’t have much idea about the whole scenario, but he asked only once as a few younger cousins couldn’t understand the relationship   So three years ago, told him in a few lines and he hasn’t brought up the topic at all. He knows the meaning of divorce and that something bad happened that is why I am not with the ex. And also the exe’s mother misbehaved with Muhammad the extent it’s embedded in his head that that man and that lady are from one family and bad people. This is how he associates them, as his mother spoke ill about me and Muhammad has never heard anyone speak so badly.

It was a shocking for him and he is a sensitive child and there are people singing praises about me to him in general – not that I ever asked for it. But by now he knows the difference between good and bad.

As parents I feel at some point at least in these situation if we are not transparent and not open with our kids they will want to know from outside and that will just cause more problems.

I don’t know about other parents as there is really no rule book as I would say about parenting every parent comes from a different background and they deal with kids in their manner. I feel for me as a parent I prefer being a single parent as I call all the shots for my son . There is no argument of hassles to deal with. If  I don’t want him to have ice cream or sleep late or vice versa I am deciding as per the day and time. I don’t have to deal with someone saying the opposite. It’s manageable if you have a backing and support but if you don’t then being single is tough because you don’t get the time off.  I can’t say it’s easy or 100 percent manageable but with a little help it’s possible.

I also want to mention that never let anger and ego get the best of you. It just doesn’t destroy you… it destroys everyone around you. This is just one of the 100 things I would tell my son for him to be a better man.

My advise to other mums would be -Mums calm it down, your daughters will always be your daughters no matter where they go. Certain ground rules are needed . We all need a few rules to be better people in life. At the same time don’t force your daughters to do things they don’t wish to do.

And girls be smart about situation. Education is of utmost importance and never rely that once you get married you will be taken care of. We don’t live in a world that considers marriage to be a sacred affair. We have to be smart about these and don’t ever ever let anyone abuse you and go speak about it to someone if it’s ever happened.

Being a mom has taught me many things about me that I didn’t know existed and taught me how to deal with many situations which I could never imagine I would be.”

 

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