This is the story of a daughter who is remembering her late mom and on this Mother’s Day she wants to pay a tribute to her loving mum. This is a blog you should read to go back on the things we don’t see anymore and of a daughter missing the entire period of endless charming old ways of living.
Akila shares with Mums and Stories her emotions and she wanted a medium where she could express what she felt on her late mother Seethalakshmi.
Akila’s daughter Kruthika has been featured earlier on our platform and this time it is the space for Akila and her mother.
She begins by asking the question, “ Do I miss my mother ? This is one unanswered question that keeps popping up every now and then, since the time she left us all about 11 years ago to join our father in heaven who had left 4 years earlier.
Anyone would think I am out of my senses or even inhuman to even think of not missing mom. But the fact is, it is true. I don’t want to miss her. It’s a see-saw, it’s a dilemma, it’s a constant fight between the heart which misses her and the mind which doesn’t want to miss her.
Many a times the heart wins, but only after a tough fight with the mind.
Why do I miss my mother?
It is for the obvious reasons which any grown up daughter having her own family would. Yes, I miss my mother because I want her to see how happily married I am, how well I have brought up my children, how well they are doing in academics and otherwise, how smart and handsome they look, how our standards of living have improved compared to about 3 or 4 decades ago, how we have built our own houses and got our own cars, how we no longer have to wait for the monthly salary every month, and so on and so forth.. I also miss her because I am not able to give her any of these joys and comforts when it was time for her to lead a happy retired life.
(Akila’s mother Seethalakshmi)
She and dad left just too early compared to the average present day longevity. They had only seen struggles, but despite the struggles lead a stress-free life, a simple noble life, and raised us (three daughters) all to be good humans, good citizens, gave us the best of education and got us married into good families. They did the best they could, and when it was time to give them back, they went away, symbolically saying children need not pay back anything to the parents.
Other than these, there are certain issues which are really specific to her.
She was a voracious reader, a nice writer, an excellent poet, a melodious and awesome carnatic music singer and a lover of anything that stirred the mind and gave some work to think.
I miss her because of the internet era in which would she would have loved to be in. She was an enthusiastic participant in all quizzes/competitions etc. of newspapers and magazines and TV Shows (just the Doordarshan)But then in her times, there were just the Competition Post Cards of the Indian Posts, which were exorbitantly priced compared to the normal post card. Those days buying that special post card was seen either as a luxury or a wasteful expenditure. The sad part is one never even knew if the post card reached . Mom would just wait for days together hoping for a reply or prize. She in fact won many, from leading Tamil Weekly magazines etc.
How nice it would be if she was alive today, she could participate in numerous such competitions online or through emails or free whatsapp sms etc. at no cost .
Next is the Television Reality shows. There never were such platforms in her times. She had to be content with just singing at family functions (she made a big name for herself in that area though)She was a great lyricist and composed songs to suit any occasion in the family, especially at weddings. I miss her a lot when I see any countless people performing in TV shows .
She hasn’t attended the likes of present day public speaking courses but she never had stage fear, and she was ready to showcase her singing talent etc. in front of people.
Another is the mobile phones, emails, whatsapp chats and so on. There is no dearth of communication devices or medium. It seems crazy to think of the days when we used to call her once a week or so, from an STD booth, late in the night as the charges were cheaper at that time, waiting in queue, after finally getting the turn, and if lucky to get the line too immediately. And she used to wait for our call near the phone (at a neighbour’s place) desperately for hours together.. On the days when we couldn’t get the call through she would assume we were busy but never complained.
So I miss her. I want to call her now every day, send whatsapp messages and share my culinary delights with her, send pictures of my children, their achievements, and learn to sing a song or two from her through skype and so on. She would have loved them too, as she always appreciated changes for good.
The list is sort of endless. The heart is a storehouse of memories that come endlessly. I would rather wind up her the missing part.
Then why do I don’t want to miss her?
Yes, I don’t want to miss her.. I don’t want her to be living in this present mad bad world. I don’t want her to suffer the extreme climates which are getting worse day by day. Her health condition would just not allow excess sweating and she wouldn’t like the ACs or coolers. What she wanted was just a breath of fresh air – which is just lacking in present days. So I don’t miss her.
She likes to walk or take a bus, sitting in the window seat or in a train by the window seat, looking at the green fields, enjoying the breeze, singing to herself, and so on rather than sit in a closed car with AC on. What we think is comfort or luxury we are providing her will only be a discomfort for her. So I don’t want to miss her.
There were times when at the movies, she used to close her own eyes, and our eyes too, when there was some vulgar or violent scene. In present scenario she will have to close her eyes for the entire movie!! So I don’t want to miss her.
With our age too increasing by the minute, various health issues, other turbulences in life and relationships, mishaps etc happen and are bound to happen. I don’t want her see us suffering in any way. That’s why I don’t want to miss her.
I don’t want to miss her, because if I miss her I will breakdown.
Here too, the heart will tend to pour out whatever it has bottled up.. so stopping it here before getting too emotional or personal!!
All said and done , a mother is The best person one could have in life. I just pray that I be a good mother to my children and make them feel proud to have me as their mother.
(Featured image is of Akila and her daughter.)
(Images are subject to copyright)